So I guess here is as good as any,

Do you ever get that feeling inside you that you know you have really fucked up? That you feel like dirt because of something you did, or said? I sure as hell do, I have that right now, For the past few months I have seemed to be promising something that I havent seemed to being able to show for. I am not God, I cant do it all at once, but I am trying.

Each morning I wake up, Thinking to myslef today is the day I get ahead, turn my life around and prove to those who doubt me, of the promises I made, are in fact true and I am doing what I can to make then whole.

I have made some mistakes some bad ones and now I feel so gulity of them, This is a tell all letter, blog if you will. Asking nt for forgiveness but for that chance to finish what I started, to Prove to provide proof that My promises are whle hearted. and True. I have problems in my life that when I get depressed I do stupid things, I have been depressed, not only for the fact I have been so lonely, but for others as well, maining the reason for this topic. That I fucked up. I cant go into details about what it was, just know I am truely sorry, a sorry of wholeness for everyone , that is willing to listen, to read this blog, this post what ever you want to call it. Taken things not of my own out of revenge for reasons that where stupid, I thought I was over it, behond that in me, I guess I though of myself to highly and found I was wrong,

I know how it feels to be questioned and accused, and not believed, and for thoses I have done the same I am truely sorry, I dont know of any other way to say I am sorry than to announce it to the public.

I messed up and I am getting help, I have to take things on day at a time and deal with the problems on a daily basis.

Yes some of the problems I have affect my relationship with my wife and it is to her That I am at the most sorry for, I have hurt her and she shouldnt have been hurt, and Now I feel like dirt because of stupid things. She is to come home with in 28 days and I have tried so hard to prove to her I am different, than for when she left, but I seem to fail each day,

I have done all I can for now to prove to everyone I am changing, but I seem not to be going anywhere, I blame no one but myself.

I am a fuck up and I am so so so sorry,

Though words are nothing compared to actions. I am trying to act out those actions each day I get up and go to work, Trying my hardest to work as much time over as possible as I can to get ahead of bills and other shit. Yes I like nice things and I might spend to much but I am trying to get everything paid up, I get called each day from people wanting money, and Yes I feel bad when I have to tell them I cant or I dont have it right now. I work now over 13 plus hours a day , I have nealry 5 payments left and I will have two credit cards paid off, Just % more payments. Might be a bit pricey as a payment wish but I will have the money to do so.

Yes I spent to much, got into debt and now I am wishing I wasnt so stupid, but I am opnly human, I have learned from thoses mistakes and I am paying the price.

some times I wish i could just go to sleep and never wake up. but i know its not that easy.

I am Sorry